Troll Socks Have Been Scientifically* Proven through Clinical Trials* to provide the following benefits:
- Increase your life span by up to 15 years or more! Feeling stressed and unhappy will increase your chances of an early death. Neuro receptors inside your brain fire off like crazy when you are stressed, causing too many thoughts to bounce around in there, leading to an overload of brain activity. Troll Socks have proven to make you smile, laugh, and be happy which releases endorphins and suppresses stressful brain overload, which will keep your brain healthy and extend your life. The more you smile and laugh, the less sad you’ll be. Ipso facto, the more you wear Troll Socks the longer your life will be. 😊
- Increase the life span of others around you! While wearing Troll Socks you will find yourself wielding the unbelievable power to extend the lives of others as well. Smiles and happiness are contagious, so just by being around you other people's brains will suppress stressful brain overload and their lives will also be extended. Surely it’s as close to a magical power you will ever wield.
- Make new friends! Troll Socks are the ultimate conversation starters in airports, at special events, social media, and especially while at parties (adult parties where you take you shoes off at the door). You'll be the coolest person in the room and everyone will want to talk to you about your socks. Don’t be the guy or girl in the crusty white crew socks. Nobody trusts that guy.
- Advance your career! We gave Troll Socks to 100 mid-level managers across all industries and had them wear them to work for a month. We had a control group of another 100 mid-level managers who had to wear crappy white crew socks for a month. A stunning 60% of the control group was fired almost immediately or quit their jobs, citing stress overloads for their lack of progress. The shame of wearing boring socks consumed their thoughts, clouding their professional judgement. Furthermore 80% of the control group reported that they lost the confidence of their direct reports, who were wearing much cooler socks than their superiors. On the flip side, 97% of managers wearing Troll Socks flew effortlessly through powerpoint after powerpoint, increased their sales pipelines by 300% capacity or more, and received promotions and raises while earning the admiration of their colleagues. Two people were immediately promoted to CEO and one person ascended directly to heaven.
- Recover from exercise much faster! We'll be honest, when we created Troll Socks we never expected there to be recovery benefits, so this was a big surprise to us. Athletes who put on a pair of Troll Socks after exercise reported that their recovery times were cut in half. The overall great mood and endorphin release they reported experiencing after putting on the Troll Socks were discovered to directly contribute to their speedy recovery.
- Less Divorces! Families that wear Troll Socks together stay together. Divorces have been increasing at an alarming rate for decades showing no signs of slowing down, until now. The one thing that seems to be slowing down the divorce rate is families who report wearing Troll Socks together 3 or more days per week! Those families are 670% more likely to remain a healthy and happy family unit.
*Just kidding, kind of. Science doesn’t really prove these benefits, but if you really think about it, it actually probably would. It's common sense science.